Shel Raphen


Somebody really is going to eat their landlord


they're going to take a butcher's knife and cut off his head

Humanely, of course

His body will be broken down into breast, thigh, leg, and wing

His carcass will be salted and boiled with herbs to make a fragrant landlord broth

The rest of him will be put in a bowl with soy sauce, wine, garlic, pepper, and bay leaves

He will marinate in the fridge over night

He will be transferred to a Dutch oven, where he will be joined by spring onions, potatoes, carrots, and chilies.

The landlord broth will reunite with him

He will be covered and slow cooked for ten hours

He will be stirred occasionally

He will be paired with Jasmine rice and served

In a little red bowl

To his former tenant's dog

The dog will get sick

from the garlic,

but the tenant doesn't know that

The tenant puts the leftovers away in the fridge

And later,

while high,

will forget what was in that Tupperware container

And that's when it happens

They eat their landlord

And the most beautiful part

Is that nobody ever comes looking for the body