Poems from Cisalpine Gaul
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Poems from Cisalpine Gaul

Transalpine Gaul... Cisalpine Gaul... big freaking whoop, I tell ya! Like, both names are in reference to Rome, which ain't sh*t but the center of an empire that isn't even around any more (not up for a VALIS reference, but feel free to write your own and mail them in via Fastsubmit; we'll select the best and tightest jokes and post them here some day.) These Romans were s'posed to be so smart, right? But if they're anything like how I have them made up in my head, these guys couldn't reckon the Cisalpine from the Transalpine any better than you can knot up somebody else's necktie.

True story: ol' Caeser once got the jump on somebody nautically because he knew it was Autumn despite the fact the calendar right then said it was already Winter. See, this was back when the calendar barely synchronized with daylight. And, to be fair, it also was Caeser's job to keep the calendar right, but we nonetheless must charge a thousand counts of Bogus Brain upon whoever it was that plotted Earth a quarterturn around the solar system away from reality. How self-important does a politico gotta be about his placing the empire of which he happens to be citizen in a position of unwarranted importance when he missed the date by three months out of blind faith unshaken even by the absence of snow.

Look, this is all stuff I picked up half-listening to History Civilis. People used to study for years to learn enough to recognize what I've reported above wrong. Now, I'm going to say a thing which isn't true, so don't get goatish. Here it comes. Three. Two. One. I feel a little guilty learning stuff easy what other people had to pick up some other way which probably was hard. Like I said, the thing wasn't true.

Anyway, here are three more poems for the end of September. Say it verily: O'er on bird . . . . We will get our first comma still yet.

  1. spiritual cinematic universe
  2. Sonnet Where I Should Have Learned a Trade
  3. capitalism is the opioid epidemic of the masses
  4. Miss Mae's Raised their Well Drinks to $2
  5. 1973