Paintbucket - Topiramate Diaries, 1/?
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Topiramate Diaries, 1/?

dan schapiro

Ok riddle me this..
              
So is gender my
boyfriend / or boyfriend
my gender / in the dark
            
Im someones / can’t seem
to care whose / 1 side effect
                    
of living un
der Capitalism / is not caring to
          
1 side effect of caring to
is being medicated
        
some side effects of which
  may include indefinite suspension  

of that which may, occasionally, make Mad life “worth”
  
living,
 the almost joy-textured texture of being deemed “worth” “less”

by those who deem some life as worth <less< than other life
  
  but thank heavens “lucidity” almost always goes away..

      flatflat earth wait no!,

  I just have bad aim--

Im someones bad boyfriend
 who can never shut the bloody lid

       let alone prove his Disabilities
      to the tenured frenchwoman
     who says things like

<<<   Dismantling ableism
      is not my job
      Ha ha
      I just teach Marx and Lacan and Tocqueville
      Ha ha ha
      
      If you really wanted to sleep
                       or want care
                        or afford care
                         or get care
                          you would..
                
       The crying boyfriend
       Unable to recall
       Why Marx would be
       So fucking pissed about this

  Pissing and missing the mark
  Missing the mark entirely

X x x
X x x..

I fail a lot of classes / “The Queer Art of Failure”
Which I’d probably know more about
If Jack Halberstam didn’t support known abuser
Avital Ronnell / and I’d taken his lecture

It’s not that I don’t wanna
be a boy, I tell him
it’s just if there’s no
woman in this room
I feel I must become her,
you know? an imperative tug
or better yet, a mood
like Mariah’s relationship
with lyricism, sisterlessness
the way it feels as though
she’s been orphaned in the
wrong direction, that’s the
problem, the runway
let love be ours, we all fail
& then we’re free, I don’t
want to haunt anything
let alone myself, this deep,
deep loss of hope, fuck it let’s
get out of here, it’s far too hot
and professors are writing entire
dissertations about us, boyfriends, we’ll be boyfriends
of anything

bird ig