Poem After Achieving My Goals and Becoming a Successful and Productive Member of Society

Zachary Evans

I’ve never been more holy or less useless, more
suited to my state or less resigned to doom. I
say “Things are going great!” and it’s definitely
true! I don’t miss my friends, or poetry, or the
sweet shiftless succor of sloth. I don’t miss my
body alone with its echoes, blooming. All the
snow is melting and I’m teetering on my heels
at the edge of expectation. I consider the
concept of capitalism and I think: Yes! This is
good. This is exactly how the world should be. I am
as emotionally and spiritually fulfilled as a fish
crawling its way from the ocean to plant its
scummy flag in the wet slick of sand. This
beach is mine! Everything I can see is mine, or
will be if I so desire! I’m coaxing cognition
from the clenched throat of my calling. I throw
a bag of my dog’s shit into my neighbor’s
trashcan and when he protests, I don’t care. I
don’t reach back into the can to remove the
bag, don’t apologize profusely, don’t give him a
sheepish thumbs-up as I slink away. I cannot
be intimidated or coerced. I am self-actualizing
and it feels incredible! Irony has no power
here. A flawless future unfurls before me like a
red carpet whose shade reminds me of
everything but blood. The paparazzi a chorus
calling my name, begging to know my secret
for the morning edition. Here it is: Forget
forgiveness, ignore impulse, dream only of
dividends. I’m happy. I mean it. I swear.